i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will die if light touches me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
