what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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