I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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