I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
