just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who died my cat blue again?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
