He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
