is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
