Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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