Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
