3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
