at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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