But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
