we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
