Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
