I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
