just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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