If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
