I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
