I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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