dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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