what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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