I cannot find my penis.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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