discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why is half of my head shaved?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
