I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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