You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
