Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
