Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FUCK WHALES
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
