"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I look better un-naked...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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