i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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