Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
