living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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