CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
