Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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