i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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