Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
