Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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