Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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