So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
