i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I AM VODKA MAN
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
