We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
