I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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