So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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