You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
