Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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