i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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