no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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