We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
