this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
