She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
