I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
