Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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