i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
