apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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