So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
