I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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