You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
