Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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