I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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