apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
