I'm going to jail i love you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pants are for mortals
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
