Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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