I love black thongs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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