your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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