Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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