barbara walters just said penis...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
