he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
