when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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