I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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