Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
