i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
