This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize