very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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