i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
