he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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