i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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