I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
