I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
