Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
