She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
