Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
