No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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