Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
