i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
